Lenny beige

Bowie – Intro for Beige

An introduction recorded by Lenny’s old friend David Bowie for the night Beige sings Bowie in 2008

Sympathy for the Beige

Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of taste and flair

I’ve been around for 35 years, upon my head someone else’s hair

I was around when Bruce Forsyth, he first presented the Generation Game

And now I’m back, right here for you tonight,

I’m here to set your hearts all aflame

Pleased to meet you – won’t you guess my name

Cos my name is known to millions as Lenny Beige

Made my debut back in 58, on a beach behind a donkey shack

Stole first prize, well of course I did, and in my honour there hangs a blue plaque

It was Shirley Bassey who gave me my big break, when her hair piece went up in ablaze

From then on it was all mapped out, wooing crowds who were thrilled and amazed

And I’m…..

Pleased to meet you – won’t you guess my name

Cos my name is known to millions as Lenny Beige

I got married back in 78 to a bitch, called Denise.

Well I knew that marriage, well it just couldn’t last, there are too many women I have to please

I give my life to my friends and my  fans, I’m so glad to have you here with me tonight

All dressed and eager to please, centre stage, all bathed in the light

Pleased to meet you – won’t you guess my name

Cos my name is known to millions as Lenny Beige

Lenny Beige’s 80’s MIX tape

Join us for the last one of this season, with a cracking night of 80’s favourites.

Featuring:
Segue Sisters
Todd Sharpville
Anthony Spargo
Jess Robinson
Christos Tolera
Barry from Watford
Moya McGinn
DJ Paul Simper
The Malcolm Edmonstone Quartet

Tickets are £15 or £50 for the show/Supper option
Doors 28th July 2010 – doors open 7:30pm shows starts at 10pm
The Pigalle Club, Piccadilly, London, UK.
You must attend.  You will attend.

To reserve your ticket please call The Pigalle : 0800 988 5470
it’s an ansaphone so leave a message…
OR email your ticket request to reservations@vpmg.net

The Pigalle Club, London. Tickets on sale now: 0800 988 5470 Doors 7:30pm Show at 10:00pm

This is a night where artists like Costello, Tenpole Tudor, Wreckless Eric and the magnificent Ian Dury will be paid tribute to. Beige has spared no expense and has put together a show that is, thus far, an absolute belter :

Phill Jupitus – the guardian of the Dury catalogue. No one knows Dury like Jupitus and he’s singing solo and duetting with Beige….
David Arnold – the legendary composer will pay tribute to Costello
Ronnie Golden – musical cabaret legend
Duncan Wisbey – the return of this Beige-family regular
Todd Sharpville – blues legend
Pigalle show stalwarts – Jess Robinson & Anthony Spargo

Plus the return of the Malcolm Edmonstone Quartet

Tickets are £15 or £50 for the show/Supper option

Doors open

You must attend.
You will attend.

To reserve your ticket please call : 0800 988 5470 – its an ansaphone so leave a message…….
OR email your ticket request to reservations@vpmg.net

1 Spinning Wheel – Sammy Davis Jr

My theme tune. We all have them. Where would Sinatra have been without My Way, Bassey without Goldfinger or Limahl without Too Shy Shy?

This song has been covered by countless artistes but this is the definitive for me. It is Sammy at his greatest and if you can get hold of the original album you will find superb versions of My Way, High Heeled Sneakers and a quite extraordinary In The Ghetto. Amazing.

4 What Kind Of Fool Am I? – Anthony Newley

The loss of Newley over a decade ago is still something I find it hard to comprehend. He was without doubt one of the greatest songwriters and performers that this country has ever produced and he was also my surrogate father and mentor. From his great musical Stop The World I Want To Get Off comes this masterpiece. Sammy made it his own but Newley’s version is raw and heart-rending. It is the cry of a lonely man, unable to fall in love – a song that I perform but one that  it is so far removed from my own reality.

3 Somebody Stole My Thunder – Georgie Fame

When Georgie played The Regency Rooms he sadly didn’t play this song. Just as well, because my version is even better. What raw material I had to work with. The opening riff of this song is one of the most infectious I have ever heard and this owes so much to the great Northern Soul tracks of the late 60s. Put some talcum powder down on your kitchen floor and slide around to it.

2 I Could Be So Good For You – Dennis Waterman

The greatest British theme-tune song. Thames TV’s Minder – wow! When the brass punches in and Waterman’s faux cockney voice sings ‘If you want to, I’ll change the situation’ you can’t help but be moved. This is a song of passion, fire, erring on the desperate. Many say it was this song that really swung it for Rula Lenska who couldn’t help but be swayed by this thinning haired wide-boy when he sung it to her on their first date.

7 Frank Sinatra – Mrs Robinson

He was Frank and therefore could do anything he bloody well liked. That included singing a song as famous as Mrs Robinson, written by a lovely pair of Jewish boys, and change the lyrics as he saw fit. The arrangement is big and the backing band is even bigger.

6 Dick A Dum Dum – Jim Dale

The greatest song written about London. Ever. Whenever I mention Jim Dale in my shows the name is greeted with the same kind of laughter that Christopher Timothy hears every time he turns up for an audition. But Dale could have retired after creating this masterpiece. No one known what the hell Dick A Dum Dum means as a phrase but who the hell cares. Amazingly no one has uploaded his version. But Des O’Connor’s version went to number 1 !

5 Walk Like A Panther – The All Seeing Eye with Tony Christie

I was due to perform this wonderful song with the great Tony Christie at Willy Hunt’s Fashion Show at the Old Vic many years ago but Tony’s dicky tonsils made it impossible. This was a great shame. Tony has never lost it and this song is perfectly suited to his voice. I believe that The All Seeing Eye live in Sheffield but I cannot hold that against them.

10 Love Eyes – Johnny Mathis

What the hell was put in Johnny’s tea during this recording session? It’s hard to believe that the same larynx that produced ‘When A Child Is Born’ could emit such noises. This is raw Mathis with none of the gloss. You should not listen to this if you are of a nervous disposition or a ladyperson. If you are, then I cannot be held responsible for any possible outcome. Listen at your peril!

9 Summer Breeze – Ray Conniff and His Singers

Pretty much any song tackled by the Conniff singers is one worth hearing, especially anyone written by a soul artiste. As a group they have an extraordinary ability to remove any soul inherent in a song. This is a group bereft of emotion when they sing. Summer Breeze is an exceptional song but under Conniff’s baton it becomes dogshit but dogshit worth savouring like a fine wine.

8 We Have All The Time In The World – Louis Armstrong

From the finest of all the Bonds ‘On Her Majesty’s Secret Service’ this is a beautiful tune – John Barry at his very best. Although it was played at my wedding it still has great memories. Watch the film and marvel at the montage where George Lazenby and Diana Rigg ride horses, sit by fountains and frolic on sandy beaches – like an episode of George and Mildred.

My top 5 favourite web sites:

The Chap

I have always loved this magazine and will do everything in my power to make it an indespensible publication for all gentlemen. If we all lived life according to Gustav and Vic (the co-creators) the world would be a divine place. This used to be a printed periodical but they, like Beige, have embraced the electronic age and this site is kept updated with all manner of quality articles and the shopping is first class too.

http://www.thechap.net

Anthony Newley

Anyone who knows me or my work will expect to see this site on my Top 5. Anthony Newley wasn’t just one of this country’s greatest ever entertainers; singer, songwriter, director, actor – the man did it all. But he was also my surrogate father. His mother Gracie and my mother Sadie were close friends in London’s East End and when I lost my father Hymie at a young age it was Tony, 25 years my senior that was a strong male influence in my early life. This is the ‘official’ website for all things Newley. It is a great introduction to this true genius.

http://www.anthonynewley.com/

Heebz

A very strong string to my bow – and there are many – is the art of being compere for a gameshow. And a strong part of my gameshow has always been my Jewish heritage. Whether its been Jew Who?, Jew Am I?, or the newest Jewnius or Yidnoramus? I have always celebrated my people in a humourous way. But after years of writing questions I rely on this site for up to the minute info on Who’s Jews? – and it doesn’t come more comprehensive than this:

http://www.heebz.com/

La Clique

This is a wonderful collective of top notch acts. They’ve got the whole range of speciality act covered; singing, dancing, acrobatic, freakish – it’s a veritable pot-pourri of variety. And unlike so many of the new  ‘burlesque’ breed of performers the La Clique brand offers only the very best. They were displaced from their home at the former Talk of the town – The Hippodrome which is currently being converted to a casino. They were then at the fabulous Roundhouse in Chalk Farm and now we await their next move.

This site is a great intro into their world –

http://www.lacliquelondon.com/

Salt Beef

Ah the food of my people. But this is European Jewish Nosh – go to America and it just simply isn’t the same. On my last trip to New York I would devour the gargantuan Deli sandwiches but crave the particular flavour of homemade salt beef brisket. Even the look of it. This website is FoodPorn – I look at the pictures of that tender meat detwixt the rye bread and like a Pavlovian dog I salivate on cur.

http://www.saltbeef.com/

Its amazing the amount of news that a new gadget can suddenly generate in the media. It seems the world has gone crazy over the iPad or at least has a strong opinion. When the Sodastream came out it was the same – pundits on TV shows giving their verdict on this miracle machine. This was a future machine of alchemy : to turn a humble bottle of water into sickly-sweet gently-carbonated drinks that came in a myriad of unpalatable flavours. I was asked if I would advertise it. After careful deliberation my eventual decision to decline their rather generous offer was caused by actually trying the product. I said I would rather advertise napalm or seal clubbing holidays in Canada that peddle such poor quality pop to the kids of this great nation. Sometimes the idea is so much better than the execution. And I feel this with the iPad

I was interviewed recently for some magazine or other (I think it was based in the Fenns). They asked me many questions but finished by quizzing me on my stand over this new uber-gadget. I flippantly said ‘another pad?? I used to have a Pad with an H on it in the garden of my 17 bedroom chateaux style country pad. Enough with the pads already!’

Apple supremo – Mr Jobs (not a name that imbues me with a huge amount of trust) assures us this is the future. He should know -  he is like God in Chinos. He claims the 10-inch wunder-pad will revolutionise how we read.   He claims we will all be reading our newpapers on this pad. Really? Are you sure about this Jobs?  We can all agree that the broadsheet is virtually yesterday’s news but I refuse to let go without a fight. For many the toilet is the last bastion of undisturbed man/paper time. I don’t want to take an electronic tablet to the toilet. For starters there is the obvious dangers inherent with electricity and water. Quite apart from that, paper belongs in toilets.

I am of the generation that wants to feel the papyrus betwixt my digits and that goes for books too. Whilst I ‘ve never been a voracious reader I don’t think you can ever replace the feel of a good book in your hand.  Even though, back in the day, Jackie Collins would call me up and read chapters of her latest novel whilst I pretended to listen. I would often put the receiver down and go about some other business like making mayonnaise or watering my mother.

Of course the iPad does so much more and when you get bored reading its time to watch the latest movie release.  But I still  want the big screen experience replete with Pearl and Dean advertising and grossly overpriced silos of popcorn. I don’t attend public multiplexi  any longer I naturally have a home cinema – designed for me by my interior designer Harvey Laquer-Veneer. Its is a baroque and rococo assault on the senses – a hideously overblown temple to home entertainment. I shall be here if anyone needs me, reading a newspaper watching reruns of my own show on the BIG screen.